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Helping or Not Helping
By matt | September 6, 2008
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Lately, I find myself in the position of being the helper. The crisis manager. The fixer.
I believe that I am pretty good at this. Unfortunately, I think I suck at the non-crisis stuff.
The Waiting Room
I went down to UHHS last night to help my friends, one of whom has cancer. He had been on chemotherapy the last few weeks and the effects of the drugs (poisons, really) caught up with him. He was having progressive difficulty breathing and was moved to the ICU.
I’ve been in this situation six times in the last 15 years. I’ve got most of it figured out, I think: what to do in an ICU patient’s room; what to say to patients or relatives; what to ask nurses or doctors; when to stay and when to leave. I can be reassuring, take action when needed, see opportunities to help things go more smoothly.
The System is Down
When all the servers for my department are down, I’m your guy. I keep my cool, help people focus on the right results, ask the questions that help people narrow down root causes and, ultimately get things running again. Before the crisis, I worked with my team to help understand how we can prepare for the crisis and what we need to do if a crisis happens.
I’ve been in this situation more times than I remember since I started my professional career. It’s not that often, thankfully. Unfortunately, the interdependencies between systems are so complex that, even in a company where simplicity is encouraged, you just can’t anticipate every possible thing that can go wrong…and eventually something does.
My laundry
…and yet, while I can help keep gigantic computer systems running or lend my support to family and friends when it’s needed…
Why can’t I get my laundry done? Why haven’t I seriously cleaned my house since April? Where does my time go, if not to these things?
I don’t always live in a crisis. This is good.
I manage my relationships, too. I’m not perfect, but when people are involved I’m usually pretty good.
…but taking care of myself, of my own place? I suck.
I don’t think I have some kind of self-destructive wish as I do what is needed when it is needed. But it seems that I treat things like laundry as a crisis. I have the capability to deal with the laundry…and when it becomes a crisis (What? I only have orange underwear left?!?) then I act. Not before.
I hate how hard it is to change a habit.
This is a habit.
Topics: psychology |