Although I’ve owned Bakaitis.com for over nine years, I’ve never used the website for much more than file storage and email. A few times, I started to update information on the site with things I was doing or thinking (a ‘blog’ as it’s known today) but I always stopped. I was always embarrased by the possibility that others would want to read what I wrote and also embarrased that I was egotistical enough to believe this possibility.
Each time, after an entry or two I stopped writing.
Looking back, I hesitated because I didn’t have a clear purpose. “Blogging” is both personal and public at the same time. On one hand, I’m writing about the ideas in my head. Usually, only I or people I know in person hear these thoughts. On the other hand, making my personal thoughts public suggests ulterior motives. After all, why would anybody write about something if they weren’t getting paid to do it…if there weren’t some other secret motive?
As I never had a motive, I stopped.
In recent months I’ve had time for a great deal of introspection. I’ve thought about what I believe and what these beliefs imply. I thought about concepts like “integrity” and “ethics” and “morals”. I thought about the work I do, the people I know, and the things upon which I spend my money and time. I thought I was living with integrity but that there could be some improvements.
Unfortunately, this is where the discussion goes pear-shaped and it’s impossible to say everything that happened because there are too many things to say in a single entry. After all, I just spent the last year in meditation, reading books about philosophy and religion, and occasionally drinking myself so stupid that I think I actually got smart again.
So, in addition to thinking about my life and how I want to live it, I found a reason why I should write something here.
I’m not writing here to teach anybody anything. I’m a flawed creature and I’m sure that there are plenty of people (both less and more flawed than me) who can teach people about life, love, happiness and so on.
I’m not writing here to persuade anybody to do anything. I’ve done enough stupid things that I’m pretty sure that the next thing I do, like this blog, is also likely to be stupid. So unless you like jumping off bridges, don’t follow me. Because that might be the only thing I do tomorrow and you don’t want to be part of that.
I am writing a statement of purpose.
This is my manifesto.
It is my public declaration of what I believe, as I understand it, as I live it, and as I learn enough to explain and express the important experiences of my life. It is a short daily explanation of why I wake up every day when life’s main offering is the daily humiliation of being human.
And this leads back to the pear-shaped discussion. From here, in order for this manifesto to be understood, I need to explain how these words are more than ink on paper or electrons on a screen. I need to explain what I think about integrity, ethics, morality, aesthetics, economics, and more. There’s a risk I’ll get stuffy. I promise to avoid that as much as possible.
Tomorrow, you’ll see what I mean…
